The last human developmental stage compels elderly adults to work hard at maintaining control over their lives in the face of almost daily losses. A big part of the losses they experience involve their health and functioning, and the ways different patients cope with loss and the perceived stresses of healthcare have been analyzed and categorized.2-5
But in addition to loss of control, the elderly also face the daunting task of discovering what their legacy will be—what will live on after they die. “The way our elders communicate contains clues to the urgency they feel in trying to resolve these items on their agendas,” writes Solie. “In almost every conversation with older adults, control and legacy issues rise to the surface.”
A Matter of Loss
By the time a person is old (over 70) or old-old (over 85) their losses may have manifested in many areas: They’ve lost:
- Parents;
- Other relatives—perhaps including children;
- Friends;
- Places of residence (both homes and the familiarity of cities or towns);
- Possessions;
- Other relationships (sometimes other healthcare providers);
- Careers;
- Consultative authority (“ours is not a culture that values the wisdom of our elders,” writes Solie);
- Identity;
- Financial independence;
- Habits and pleasures;
- Physical space (the room at their son or daughter’s or in assisted living or the nursing home can’t compare to the homes, gardens, and expanses of view they may have had as younger people), and, of course; and
- Physical and mental capacities.