When we were growing up, you always gave us a “case of the week.” There were some consistent themes, and I’ve never been sure if these patients were real or fake. Most were either adolescent girls with belly pain or children experiencing bizarre spells who ended up being intoxicated from some ingestion. Was there supposed to be a not-so-subtle message here not to use drugs and to choose my romantic interests carefully?
I actually enjoy hearing about interesting patients, although maybe you could vary the cases, focusing more on human-interest situations rather than on complex technical patients. Relative to the human-interest stories, shouldn’t some of the names parents give to their children be considered child abuse? You probably don’t know, but in Iceland, there is a government Naming Committee that actually maintains a list of approved children’s names.
I know you have to take both clinical and administrative calls. When you get a medical call while we’re having dinner, would you please go somewhere else to talk? Hearing you ask about a patient’s diarrhea when we are eating sort of ruins my appetite.
Similarly, please let me vet topics before you discuss them with my friends. You have some cool stories, but Dad, I’m not sure my friends want to hear about child abuse or vaginal discharge. I will say that the absolute best phone calls you get occur when, after 22 years of Pressel Medical School, I’m able to make the diagnosis or give the correct advice (sometimes faster than your medical students and residents).
Let’s talk about what you learned from me. Though you may not agree, you should think of all the times you found me annoying, particularly when I was a pain-in-the-ass kid, as CME. Over the years, I gave you regular opportunities to enhance your knowledge of child development and to improve your parenting skills—things that undoubtedly continue to help you as a pediatrician.
I like visiting you in the hospital. I know you enjoy showing me off. When you introduce me to your coworkers, it’s OK if you tell them I’m not going to medical school. Still, you should know that I fully intend to repay all that you have done.
Hearing from you about all that happens in a hospital, I can understand why you never want to be a patient. I’ll do my best to ensure you don’t get admitted to a hospital and are able to die peacefully at home. You can count on your loving son, Dad. I’ll be sure you don’t have a hospitalist with you at the end. TH
Rob Pressel is the son of David Pressel, MD, PhD, a pediatric hospitalist at A.I. duPont Hospital for Children in Wilmington, Del., and a former member of Team Hospitalist.